Almost 8 years

Tomorrow is Malcolm and my 8th year anniversary. 8 YEARS! Seems like a long time, but still feels so young especially with us-- we still learn a great deal about each other on a daily basis. But what I am so grateful about our marriage is that, even if we are still a work in progress, we've been really good in establishing boundaries that protect our marriage. In this day and age where marriage is treated like an "option", I think Malcolm and I have a great model of how to value our marriage. Here are some of the learnings/decisions we have had/made that put "value" in our marriage...

1. I will NEVER make him happy and neither will he, because happiness is an INSIDE job. It's a decision to be made whether or not I will be happy with him and him with me.

2. We should protect our marriage and keep it secure at all costs. TRUST is the key word. It is something that you decide to freely give your mate and in turn, for your mate to protect.

3. Honestly doesn't equate to total discretion because there are some things that really shouldn't be shared. Initially, I had the hardest time with this concept as I am an open book and I just share whatever it is that I comes to mind. But time has taught me that not everything I care about, Malcolm cares about! And there are just some things that he appreciates if I don't share with him. Funny as it sounds, there is a great deal of wisdom in it.

4. The past is something to learn from but not relived. This is something we both had and still have to do a lot of compromising on. I believe that we should always look back so we learn from our mistakes. As for Malcolm, he believes that the past is like a rear-view mirror, you glance at it once in a while just to check and readjust where you're going. I guess, both our points of view are almost the same, but I am the one who likes to dissect and hash (and rehash) the past so I can be sure to not make the same mistakes today. For him, as I said, it's just another mirror that you glance at once in while. So while we are both trying to achieve the end result, our processes are different; thus, both of us have learned (and still learning) to adjust.

5. In lieu of #s 3 and 4, we have also learned that there are is a difference between a major thing and a minor thing and we should deal with them accordingly. The WORST thing one can do to a marriage is to major the minor things.

6. We both love and prioritize our family-- we just have different ways of showing it.

7. We are polar opposites when it comes to making and keeping friends; therefore, we don't really have many common friends... and that's OKAY!

8. He and I will always have each others' back.

9. There is comfort to be found in each other... even in our silence (this mostly applies to me).

10. We are different people-- with different value systems, beliefs, etc. But what matters is how we are incorporate/merge our differences to our marriage... to make us a SOLID unit of one.

These learnings have empowered us that even if we are in a relationship, there are some core decisions that we can only make ourselves, and in deciding to go and be the best people we are, makes our marriage the best for us.

Note to hubby:
Happy 8 years honey! Here's to 100 more! Thank you for all the "aha" moments you've allowed me to learn with you! My only wish for us is to never tire learning together and loving each other. I love you!

On our Wedding Day!

Us, today! :-)

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