I had a dream last night that totally weirded me out! I often see dreams in either the first person or third person, but in this case, although I saw it in a third person's point of view, I felt everything in the first person. In the dream...

I was the same age I am now, holding a baby in my arms, sitting at my parents' couch. I think I was suffering from amnesia because there were 2 men from my past (not any of my 2 non-serious relationships in my teens and twenteens *grin*), each giving me proofs that he is the father of my child and me not remembering any of it. However, I kept on asking for Malcolm (although I kept on referring to him as "that man"). I kept telling everyone that he is the father but all of them said he is just in my imagination... that he didn't exist.

I woke up in sheer panic, screaming "NO" at the top of my lungs that woke my sleeping baby beside me. After I picked her up, I rushed to the phone to call my husband at work. I have never been that relieved to hear his voice. It all seemed so real... like being in the Twilight Zone. The worst part was the fear that I wasn't married to Malcolm. Dang! I know we have our "issues" but experiencing not having him, even just in a dream, was a total nightmare!

So, I guess if ever I have any "what-ifs" unconsciously lurking in my head, it's all been laid to rest. A life without Malcolm is a life that I don't want to live... sounds mushy but that statement never felt truer than now.

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