Fact or Fable: Is Motherhood just Perfection?

A few weeks ago, I read this article about Felicity Huffman and her motherhood experiences. When asked if motherhood is all perfect, she answered by saying that it's a trick question-tricking the mom to have to answer yes because saying otherwise would make her a bad parent. Funny, but it's true. Motherhood, for most of us, demands perfection. Somehow, admitting that there are certain aspects of being a mom we don't absolutely feel perfect about creates in us a never-ending guilt that doesn't just attack one time, but often lurks to haunt us in the least expected moments (during meltdowns, poopy diapers, illnesses, etc.).

I must admit, I feel envious of those moms who enter this rite of passage armed and ready. Those who read all the books, take all the birthing, newborn, parenting classes there is, take gazillion pictures and videos of every milestone... not to mention being able to blog about them... Oh, and scrapbook too! Those who are able to pin down putting their babies on schedule the day they were born, make baby food-organic baby food, all the while still being able to look like "Bree Van der Kamp"every time! I know that "to each his own" but still, women compare! Moreso, mothers compare! Inately, we always compare ourselves to other moms and beat ourselves up if their baby does or has something ours don't, or if they are able to go about doing things that they used to do prior the baby when we can't even take a shower! It's a vicious place to be in. But why do we do it?

For me, I faced motherhood in complete arrogance and ignorance. I didn't read all the books (although I'm reading now) because some books I read scared the heck out me, so I compensated my fear by believing that my maternal instincts would kick into gear once I give birth. I did go to all the classes I can get my hands into, but now looking back, taking those classes didn't really prepare me for what happens next after the baby comes. They just beefed-up my arrogance that I have it all under control. But isn't that what we all want to think about ourselves, that we are in-control?Admitting that we need help, or that we are frustrated, or confused, or just plain tired is somehow synonymous to accepting that we are not prepared for this... not fit to be a mom. And man, does that hurt? Oh, SO MUCH! It hurts everything that can ache within us because regardless of how prepared we are or not, being a mom creates in every woman the ability to love beyond what she thought she can give, and out of this love births a desire to give this little person everything that she knows to be the best. Now, wanting, sometimes, yearning for this "best" results to blocked, unfulfilled goals that leads to frustration, depression, and sometimes, anger.

So what do we do? Everything but dare say motherhood isn't perfect.

Sadly, this shared experience doesn't bring us, moms, together most of the time. And the question is why??? Why do we need to compare and compete with other mothers who are obviously as frustrated and tired and confused, yet as unbelievably excited and joyful and amazed by the entire experience as we all are? Motherhood is not at all perfection. It's a total fable. But motherhood, if embraced gracefully, can be a unique, blissful, constant joy-giving experience. Hopefully, all mothers would finally accept this and band together to share such a wonderful journey that is just too wonderful to go through alone.

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