Reality says, "and cut!"

I am often asked how is it being married. Deep within, I know that there is no simple way of answering the question. In fact, I think that it's a trick question that pushes you to the wall to say "it's great" because saying otherwise is just frowned upon, especially with Christians.

Reality is, those who are married already knows how married life is. Yet, we still ask others this poking little question with the intent that they will somehow slip and say something frowned upon so we can be assured that we still have the "better" marriage. And, in those times that we dare admit to having "bad" moments, we often downplay them because of the fear that our marriage will be judged, and let's face it, we don't like being judged... that's why we judge others!

I must admit, I still have my moments when I believe that my marriage is the best marriage ever! That Malcolm and I are the epitome of how God has described being married is in the Bible: the man who loves his wife and the wife who submits to her husband. Of course, all in an unconditional manner. Then something happens... my husband suddenly forgets the very thing I asked him gazillion times to do, so he says "sorry"... then I interpret that as an "apology way-out," so I guilt-trip him about not listening to me... then he gets mad that I overanalyze this... then I get mad at him for having the guts to be mad... then we start raising our voices... then BAM! we slam the doors and don't talk for hours. Suddenly...


Reality hits! The delusion is over. Now, we're just a part of the statistics... we are no longer the picture-perfect couple who put other marriages into shame... the couple who knows how to love and submit just like Christ demanded. We are no longer the best.

Initially in our married life, everytime this happened, I was rattled to the core. I aspired for a relationship where communication was supposed to be flawless. I imagined a husband who is "superman" all the way... a fitting partner to a superb and noble wife... none other than me. *grin* Well, with that dream, reality can be a rude awakening. But among all the realizations that hurt me, the brutality of the truth that I was not the most noble and superb wife there is hurt me more than the realization that my husband wasn't superman. It shamed me... my ego was beaten... the truth that I believed for a long time was shattered. So, to hide these feelings, everytime we hit the skids, I bolt to the nearest door. I threaten to leave the marriage because of the utter discomfort of having to face "me." My skewed perception of what a marriage should be like made me unhappy and the worst, even if he didn't say it, made my husband unhappy... and I hated that! Because I loved him deeply.

Thankfully, God isn't going to allow us to go through our married life with resentment after a while, a loooong... while, He really set me straight. Amazingly, He showed me that I was pushing my husband away with my attitude and if I keep on at it, my marriage will fail. So, I finally realized something that isn't realized to hurt me anymore. To this day, I am still a work in progress when it comes to this learning experience. There are times that I still want to succumb to my way of dealing with pain before. But thank God because he's on me constantly. Demanding me to capture my thoughts and make it obey. And true enough, if I just deliberately think about my thoughts, it's really not hard to make them obey.

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