The hardest part of being a parent

I am a new mom... well I still think I am because my baby is just 2, and the fact that I am still growing more clueless as she grows older just comes to show that I will be a "new mom" for a little bit longer. But as young as she is, I can already feel the worst part of parenting: the letting go part. I know, it's still to early for me to be thinking about the future, but as she grows more and more independent (and this little girl is truly a little woman), I am starting to ache inside.

Malcolm makes fun of me because anytime a little boy tries to get close to Micah (for some reason, kids gravitate towards her, wanting to hug or pinch her cheeks), I get a little testy. So far, I've always found a way to stare any little boy down from touching her... but I know, I won't always have this power. Ugh! It gives me the shivers thinking about it!

Needless to say, I am starting to become the parent I don't want to be... I am starting to be so strict. Oh, Lord! I love my dad with all my heart, but one bone I always pick with him, now that I can, was his overprotectiveness when we were teens... well, until a little bit of our adulthood. That man was strict! I mean, they have to find a harsher word for strict. My dad was stricter that strict! He was the epitome of the word! I mean, the word strict was synonymous to Sonny! And you know what, I will have to stop picking that bone because I am turning out to be just like him. Geez, I stare down two year olds when they come too close for comfort to my daughter! I guess I am becoming worse... strict is now synonymous to Janelle.

Everynight I gotta pray... I really have to pray for me. Don't get me wrong, I know what is right. I know that I have to "train my child in the way she should go. So when she's old, she will not depart from it". I know that I am just a steward... but it's so hard not to own my child. It's just so hard.

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