Being two years old, I think it's expected for Micah to be territorial sometimes. Like when daddy hugs me, she would say, "THAT'S MY MOMMY!" and vice versa. But over dinner, she said, "I love you mommy! I love you daddy!" while reaching for both of our hands to hers. It was like she's saying that she's happy that we are her family! Then I taught her to say, "We are family!" She said it smiling as she held our hands tightly.
Awww! She makes me so happy!
(This is why it's hard to discipline my child! She is just a burst of sweetness!!!!)
Showing posts with label Motherhood experiences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Motherhood experiences. Show all posts
7.09.2009
Baby book
I am really a procrastinator! After 2 years, 3 months, I finally started on Micah's baby book. Therefore, I already missed a lot of dates like when was her first haircut, when did her first tooth came out, when did she first rolled over, etc. etc. etc. (I had to put 3 etc. because it's really that much info that I don't remember anymore). Of course, like what Lysa Terkeurst said, "Grand visions that lead to big messes that lead to unmet expectations can heap more and more guilt on a mother's already fragile psyche" (loosely translated), and that's exactly what happened to me! Since I started on this baby book, I can't help but to feel guilty of missing the dates of the "whens". Then I read the devotional of Lysa last night and she's right! Because I have this grand vision of being the perfect mom with all the memories remembered to a T, it was such a mess when I failed at it. So, instead of saying, the grand vision isn't as flawless as it's supposed to be, I just identified myself as the failure. Funny how that happened huh? So, I had to really regroup and re-evaluate what's going on - what is the purpose of the baby book anyway? My real purpose is, for Micah to have something to commemorate how happy her childhood was. Then I realized, I don't need a baby book for that! If I can make an environment that fosters happiness for my child, then she doesn't need anything concrete to remember it. She will remember it because it's in her heart.
Well, I don't intend to stop making the baby book and will still attempt to remember the "whens," but now, I don't feel guilty anymore if I don't remember anything at all... after all, I can guesstimate right? and to always remind myself that what matters is the "now" and the lasting, wonderful memories that my child can store in her heart for her to remember forever.
Well, I don't intend to stop making the baby book and will still attempt to remember the "whens," but now, I don't feel guilty anymore if I don't remember anything at all... after all, I can guesstimate right? and to always remind myself that what matters is the "now" and the lasting, wonderful memories that my child can store in her heart for her to remember forever.
When is it okay to discipline someone else's child?
I know, I know, I said that there is no way any parent should intervene how others raise their children unless abuse is involved. However, when is it appropriate to discipline someone else's child? A lot of parents I know say that it is disrespectful if somebody tells them how to discipline their child and there is no time that it can be appropriate. Having said that, what is a parent supposed to do in scenarios where their own children are involved? What should a parent do when a child hits their child? Or scams their child of her beloved toys? Should the parent just take their child away from the situation? Should they tell the parent of the child who hits/scams that their evil little snot is on the loose? (okay, maybe something nicer...)Or should I reprimand the child who hits/scams mine?
For me, it's so hard not to do anything. My initial reaction is to hurt the child that hurt mine. So, everytime I see that my child is done wrong, I immediately react by pulling my child aside and consoling her. I do this because it's helping me not react emotionally and hit the other child silly until he's blue in the face (Yeah, yeah, judge me all you want but if you're a parent, you will be lying if you say that your inner decepticon-ish beast doesn't come out if your child is wronged). But all the time, I feel like I didn't give justice to my child because I let that "bad little monster" go and do as he please. My guilty conscience always tells me that I am an accessory to the crime because I allowed the kid to go without something to make him understand that what he did was wrong. BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
There are times that I am composed enough to say to the kid, "sweetie, we don't do that," but it's hard to always respond to bad behavior like that. I always tell myself, "he's just a kid" but at the back of my head I think, "yeah, you little damien!" It's just hardly possible for a parent to see bad behavior of other children as just that, bad behavior, at their own children's expense.
Ugh! The woes of parenting!
For me, it's so hard not to do anything. My initial reaction is to hurt the child that hurt mine. So, everytime I see that my child is done wrong, I immediately react by pulling my child aside and consoling her. I do this because it's helping me not react emotionally and hit the other child silly until he's blue in the face (Yeah, yeah, judge me all you want but if you're a parent, you will be lying if you say that your inner decepticon-ish beast doesn't come out if your child is wronged). But all the time, I feel like I didn't give justice to my child because I let that "bad little monster" go and do as he please. My guilty conscience always tells me that I am an accessory to the crime because I allowed the kid to go without something to make him understand that what he did was wrong. BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
There are times that I am composed enough to say to the kid, "sweetie, we don't do that," but it's hard to always respond to bad behavior like that. I always tell myself, "he's just a kid" but at the back of my head I think, "yeah, you little damien!" It's just hardly possible for a parent to see bad behavior of other children as just that, bad behavior, at their own children's expense.
Ugh! The woes of parenting!
7.03.2009
How am I going to discipline you?
There are so many issues to deal with when one becomes a parent. For me, the issue that I am having alot of issues with lately is how I discipline Micah. When I was a kid growing-up and even in my teeenage years, I made a lot of promises about what I will not do when it comes to disciplining my child. I totally forgot to think about the things I should actually do. So here am I, two years of being a parent, still somewhat clueless as to what I'm supposed to do.
Early on in our marriage, Malcolm and I agreed that when we have children, we will never use "spanking" as the method to discipline. I guess since we we're both spanked as kids, we felt that anger is mostly the motivation behind spanking. It was a good plan until Micah turned two. Suddenly, she wasn't the same baby who just did, ate, wore what mommy and daddy decided. Suddenly, she exerts her opinions and wants in every possible way she can. That's when I figured that the plan wasn't as smooth as I thought was. My child is starting to become her own person.
So now, I am here, in this place where I think every parent passed through once in their life... the winding road of parental discipline where the best intentions and frustrations of how to impose it meets. I can honestly say that I still don't know what is the right balance of discipline where my child can both feel my unconditional love for her and my disapproval of her not-so-good behavior. I think that my child deserves only the best; therefore, it's so hard for me to find a way to discipline my child that involves the least amount of pain involved... for both her and me.
For now, I am just taking it one day at a time... God help me!
Early on in our marriage, Malcolm and I agreed that when we have children, we will never use "spanking" as the method to discipline. I guess since we we're both spanked as kids, we felt that anger is mostly the motivation behind spanking. It was a good plan until Micah turned two. Suddenly, she wasn't the same baby who just did, ate, wore what mommy and daddy decided. Suddenly, she exerts her opinions and wants in every possible way she can. That's when I figured that the plan wasn't as smooth as I thought was. My child is starting to become her own person.
So now, I am here, in this place where I think every parent passed through once in their life... the winding road of parental discipline where the best intentions and frustrations of how to impose it meets. I can honestly say that I still don't know what is the right balance of discipline where my child can both feel my unconditional love for her and my disapproval of her not-so-good behavior. I think that my child deserves only the best; therefore, it's so hard for me to find a way to discipline my child that involves the least amount of pain involved... for both her and me.
For now, I am just taking it one day at a time... God help me!
6.30.2009
My brave little child
We got season passes for Great America. For the past few weekends, we've been there, either enjoying the park or the water park. It's fun for Malcolm and me, but it's more fun for our daughter Micah. She just tries everything... bravely overcoming her fears as she rode the more thrilling ride for kids like the airplane ride that goes up and down somewhat fast! I mean I get scared when I ride it!
Her bravery reminded me of my faith. Is my faith in Jesus that brave? Am I willing to do anything because I know I am safe in Him? This child just goes without saying because she knows that mommy and daddy are there, so there's NO REASON to be afraid. Micah truly is a kiss of God in my life. Everyday, God teaches me something through the life of my innocent, but apparently brave, little child. 
And that is one distinct quality that I discovered with her, SHE IS FEARLESS! At one point, she threw a minor fit because she wasn't allowed in the roller coaster because of her height (she was allowed in Discovery Kingdom when we went and she didn't really understand that it wasn't the same park). I mean, if she can ride it, she will. She even didn't want me to accompany her riding anymore. She says, "am big girl, mommy!" It's just amazing!!!
Her bravery reminded me of my faith. Is my faith in Jesus that brave? Am I willing to do anything because I know I am safe in Him? This child just goes without saying because she knows that mommy and daddy are there, so there's NO REASON to be afraid. Micah truly is a kiss of God in my life. Everyday, God teaches me something through the life of my innocent, but apparently brave, little child.
Thank you Jesus!
Some pixs from our very 1st visit:
Micah riding the "Ghost chasers" ride.
Mommy and Micah riding the Airplane ride
(this ride scared me!)
6.09.2009
The hardest part of being a parent
I am a new mom... well I still think I am because my baby is just 2, and the fact that I am still growing more clueless as she grows older just comes to show that I will be a "new mom" for a little bit longer. But as young as she is, I can already feel the worst part of parenting: the letting go part. I know, it's still to early for me to be thinking about the future, but as she grows more and more independent (and this little girl is truly a little woman), I am starting to ache inside.
Malcolm makes fun of me because anytime a little boy tries to get close to Micah (for some reason, kids gravitate towards her, wanting to hug or pinch her cheeks), I get a little testy. So far, I've always found a way to stare any little boy down from touching her... but I know, I won't always have this power. Ugh! It gives me the shivers thinking about it!
Needless to say, I am starting to become the parent I don't want to be... I am starting to be so strict. Oh, Lord! I love my dad with all my heart, but one bone I always pick with him, now that I can, was his overprotectiveness when we were teens... well, until a little bit of our adulthood. That man was strict! I mean, they have to find a harsher word for strict. My dad was stricter that strict! He was the epitome of the word! I mean, the word strict was synonymous to Sonny! And you know what, I will have to stop picking that bone because I am turning out to be just like him. Geez, I stare down two year olds when they come too close for comfort to my daughter! I guess I am becoming worse... strict is now synonymous to Janelle.
Everynight I gotta pray... I really have to pray for me. Don't get me wrong, I know what is right. I know that I have to "train my child in the way she should go. So when she's old, she will not depart from it". I know that I am just a steward... but it's so hard not to own my child. It's just so hard.
Malcolm makes fun of me because anytime a little boy tries to get close to Micah (for some reason, kids gravitate towards her, wanting to hug or pinch her cheeks), I get a little testy. So far, I've always found a way to stare any little boy down from touching her... but I know, I won't always have this power. Ugh! It gives me the shivers thinking about it!
Needless to say, I am starting to become the parent I don't want to be... I am starting to be so strict. Oh, Lord! I love my dad with all my heart, but one bone I always pick with him, now that I can, was his overprotectiveness when we were teens... well, until a little bit of our adulthood. That man was strict! I mean, they have to find a harsher word for strict. My dad was stricter that strict! He was the epitome of the word! I mean, the word strict was synonymous to Sonny! And you know what, I will have to stop picking that bone because I am turning out to be just like him. Geez, I stare down two year olds when they come too close for comfort to my daughter! I guess I am becoming worse... strict is now synonymous to Janelle.
Everynight I gotta pray... I really have to pray for me. Don't get me wrong, I know what is right. I know that I have to "train my child in the way she should go. So when she's old, she will not depart from it". I know that I am just a steward... but it's so hard not to own my child. It's just so hard.
5.14.2009
Potty training
And it has begun! Potty training! EISH! I think this is the hardest among anything a parent of a toddler has to face.
Micah is doing well though... peed and pooped the same day we tried. But for the last few days it's back to old habits of not telling when she went #1 or 2.
I guess it'll be going back to square one for a longer time than I anticipated.
Eish!
Micah is doing well though... peed and pooped the same day we tried. But for the last few days it's back to old habits of not telling when she went #1 or 2.
I guess it'll be going back to square one for a longer time than I anticipated.
Eish!
4.01.2009
Irritated
Why do moms compete with each other? Aren't we all in the same boat? Then why compete!?
All babies are wonderful! But moms can be vicious! Always comparing, always bragging, always trying to outdo other moms. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?
And what is it with moms with grown kids not being able to stop themselves from raising other people's children!? Why can't they just shut their pipes? After all, "IT'S NOT YOUR KID!" I think the only time a parent is to intervene another parent's way of raising their kids is when they abuse their children... THAT'S IT! For everything else, just shut up!
Honestly, for every mom, their babies are the most perfect little prince or princess, but putting down other moms and trying to steal other babies' and mom's thunders is just plain ANNOYING and CHILDISH!
All children are wonderful miracles. But monster moms who, in order to feel better about themselves, belitte and judge other moms, GEEZ! For crying out loud! STOP TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN TO GROW UP BEING VICIOUS, GREEN WITH ENVY MONSTERS! STOP THEM FROM GROWING UP TO BE LIKE YOU!
All babies are wonderful! But moms can be vicious! Always comparing, always bragging, always trying to outdo other moms. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?
And what is it with moms with grown kids not being able to stop themselves from raising other people's children!? Why can't they just shut their pipes? After all, "IT'S NOT YOUR KID!" I think the only time a parent is to intervene another parent's way of raising their kids is when they abuse their children... THAT'S IT! For everything else, just shut up!
Honestly, for every mom, their babies are the most perfect little prince or princess, but putting down other moms and trying to steal other babies' and mom's thunders is just plain ANNOYING and CHILDISH!
All children are wonderful miracles. But monster moms who, in order to feel better about themselves, belitte and judge other moms, GEEZ! For crying out loud! STOP TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN TO GROW UP BEING VICIOUS, GREEN WITH ENVY MONSTERS! STOP THEM FROM GROWING UP TO BE LIKE YOU!
12.16.2008
Christmas Gifts
It's the most wonderful time of the year again! Yes, regardless of the financial crunch lately, I still think that Christmas will be just as exciting and happy in the Buzon household. We already put up our tree, already bought our gifts for Micah: Art/Music Station set from Fisher Price, A toy vacuum, a toy kitchen, Caillou doll, Caillou DVDs, a Disney Princess talking throne, and a Maclaren doll stroller for her soon to arrive new baby doll courtesy of her amma and ampa in Hawaii. She also got a new Disney Princess tent, which she refers to as "ouse" (house), as an early Christmas/late Thanksgiving present. I was supposed to wrap it but she already saw it, so never mind! *smile*
This time of the year also serves as a double celebration for us, Christmas and Malcolm and I's anniversary, so we can open our gifts a little early... I gave Malcolm a Dark Knight special edition blu-ray disc and he gave me a whole line of Mary Kay facial skin care stuff. Cheap gifts for us this year since we want to go all out for Micah... well, a budgeted "all-out" expense. However, with our without gifts, I know that we'll have a wonderful, quiet celebration... just us family!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
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This time of the year also serves as a double celebration for us, Christmas and Malcolm and I's anniversary, so we can open our gifts a little early... I gave Malcolm a Dark Knight special edition blu-ray disc and he gave me a whole line of Mary Kay facial skin care stuff. Cheap gifts for us this year since we want to go all out for Micah... well, a budgeted "all-out" expense. However, with our without gifts, I know that we'll have a wonderful, quiet celebration... just us family!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
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11.07.2008
Different roles
I juggle a lot of roles in my life, although my main priority roles are toward my family: being a wife and a mom. Most of the times, these two roles take-up most of my time that I forget that I also have another role - the role to myself. It's easy to be selfless when we love someone, but often times we forget that before we can give love, we must first have enough love to give.
When I became a wife, my initial thought was I was no longer my own person. But time proved that to be wrong because I soon found out that it wasn't my husband's job to make me happy... I'm on my own on that, and that he still has parts in his life that I can never fulfill and vice versa. Regardless of that realization, when I became a mom, I started feeling the same way. I initially thought that wanting "alone" time meant that I didn't love my baby. So whenever I felt like being by myself, I immediately guilt-trip myself into thinking that good mothers don't dare think that. Of course, without recharging, my cup run dry. One day, it just hit me - the truth that I have to love myself inorder to express the love I feel for my husband and my child. After all, I can never give something I don't have. That day, it all made sense.
Nowadays, my husband gives me sometime to myself during the weekends and Friday nights by taking care of Micah while I do something that synergizes me... lately, its been blogging. I guess he also agrees that when he gives me time to recharge, I am more effective as a wife and a mom. Everyone wins!
When I became a wife, my initial thought was I was no longer my own person. But time proved that to be wrong because I soon found out that it wasn't my husband's job to make me happy... I'm on my own on that, and that he still has parts in his life that I can never fulfill and vice versa. Regardless of that realization, when I became a mom, I started feeling the same way. I initially thought that wanting "alone" time meant that I didn't love my baby. So whenever I felt like being by myself, I immediately guilt-trip myself into thinking that good mothers don't dare think that. Of course, without recharging, my cup run dry. One day, it just hit me - the truth that I have to love myself inorder to express the love I feel for my husband and my child. After all, I can never give something I don't have. That day, it all made sense.
Nowadays, my husband gives me sometime to myself during the weekends and Friday nights by taking care of Micah while I do something that synergizes me... lately, its been blogging. I guess he also agrees that when he gives me time to recharge, I am more effective as a wife and a mom. Everyone wins!
10.23.2008
Find Her Wings
Everyday, my precious little girl just proves to me that she's no longer a baby! She a little kid with her own reason and her own disposition. It both makes me happy and sad... happy because she's so confident and strong and smart for her age, yet it makes me sad because I slowly feel that she's not as dependent on me anymore, at least not like she used to. I know it's a great thing and that I should silently applaud my efforts that obviously are bearing fruit in my child's life. But ask any mom and they'd sure agree that there is a certain sadness when the child that you so dearly treasured slowly lets go of your hand. Well, everybody needs to be needed, but the feeling of being needed by such a wonderful human being is a feeling that words fall short to define. I love it when my child calls for me... when she chooses to snuggle with me than her favorite stuffed Mickey Mouse... when she screams for me when she's in pain... when she knows that it is "mommy" to call for when she discovers something that's amazing her...
I know that I don't own my child, that I am only a trusted steward by God to rear her up so she can accomplish the purpose destined for her. But when you love someone this much, at times, it's a hard-habit to break not owning her... which is why I need to always remind myself that my child is destined for greatness and that I should be the encouragement for her to fly.
Okay, as I tear-up here and with all that in mind, I share to you the lyrics of the song that became so true for me the day Micah was born.
Find Your Wings
by Mark Harris
It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow
Chorus:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings
May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories
(Repeat Chorus)
It's not living
If you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly
(Repeat Chorus)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knm492yxMfo
Yes, I will have buckets of tears as Micah takes off little by little everyday, but I am definitely her number one cheer leader as she flies...
I know that I don't own my child, that I am only a trusted steward by God to rear her up so she can accomplish the purpose destined for her. But when you love someone this much, at times, it's a hard-habit to break not owning her... which is why I need to always remind myself that my child is destined for greatness and that I should be the encouragement for her to fly.
Okay, as I tear-up here and with all that in mind, I share to you the lyrics of the song that became so true for me the day Micah was born.
Find Your Wings
by Mark Harris
It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow
Chorus:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings
May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories
(Repeat Chorus)
It's not living
If you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly
(Repeat Chorus)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knm492yxMfo
Yes, I will have buckets of tears as Micah takes off little by little everyday, but I am definitely her number one cheer leader as she flies...
9.25.2008
Baby signs
My Micah always finds a way to amuse us. Lately, she's been using sign language alot! I tried to teach her how to sign when she was about 6 months old but instead of learning the signs for the words, she just started speaking the words. So, I thought it's useless to sign anymore since she's communicating with words better. At 5 months, she's able to say a lot of words, like:
mama, papa, amma, ampa, milk (miyk), mum-mum (water), meme (nurse). And as time went on, her vocabulary expanded tremendously that at 17 months, she's able to make out sentences (although it's still mostly gibberish, but the key words in the thoughts she's trying to convey are there). Golly! She even knows how to negotiate. So I was shocked when I noticed that she's using signs with the words she's saying lately, like: more, juju(drink), milk, no, yes, share, goodbye, thank you, and please. I guess she learned through her favorite channel (Sprout Channel) since in their goodnight show, they have a portion where they teach kids to sign. I mean, both Malcolm and I were so amazed! We are so proud of her. Can you imagine? She learned all those by herself!
What a wiz kid, huh? She's really a president in the making ;-)
mama, papa, amma, ampa, milk (miyk), mum-mum (water), meme (nurse). And as time went on, her vocabulary expanded tremendously that at 17 months, she's able to make out sentences (although it's still mostly gibberish, but the key words in the thoughts she's trying to convey are there). Golly! She even knows how to negotiate. So I was shocked when I noticed that she's using signs with the words she's saying lately, like: more, juju(drink), milk, no, yes, share, goodbye, thank you, and please. I guess she learned through her favorite channel (Sprout Channel) since in their goodnight show, they have a portion where they teach kids to sign. I mean, both Malcolm and I were so amazed! We are so proud of her. Can you imagine? She learned all those by herself!
What a wiz kid, huh? She's really a president in the making ;-)
9.18.2008
Little Ms. Negotiator
Micah has recently learned how to negotiate the following:
1. Skipping her morning nap to watch Calliou - so mommy can clean/fix/do stuff around the house.
2. Not drinking her milk from the bottle - She still comfort nurses, so she'll negotiate nursing and sleeping early in replace of drinking from the bottle.
3. Sitting on a big person-chair as oppose to the highchair - she says "have"(pronounced with a long "a" for behave) once she's seated in the big person-chair.
Also, she has learned a lot of verbs lately... but mostly to ask us to do something like, "it down" (sit down), "come" (with her pointy finger gesturing me to do so), "top" (stop).
She also says "Oh, Boy!" alot. She says it when she fails on doing something she's set to do or when she's doing number 2. TMI! my poor baby! *LOL*. She also wants us to kiss her boo-boos often now... I think it's her way of consoling herself through physical pain as oppose to crying.
Yes, my little lady is learning how to cope through life now. But even if she asserts her independence lately, I am glad that when she has "boo-boos," she still goes to mommy and daddy for comfort. I hope that she's always that secured of our love for her.
1. Skipping her morning nap to watch Calliou - so mommy can clean/fix/do stuff around the house.
2. Not drinking her milk from the bottle - She still comfort nurses, so she'll negotiate nursing and sleeping early in replace of drinking from the bottle.
3. Sitting on a big person-chair as oppose to the highchair - she says "have"(pronounced with a long "a" for behave) once she's seated in the big person-chair.
Also, she has learned a lot of verbs lately... but mostly to ask us to do something like, "it down" (sit down), "come" (with her pointy finger gesturing me to do so), "top" (stop).
She also says "Oh, Boy!" alot. She says it when she fails on doing something she's set to do or when she's doing number 2. TMI! my poor baby! *LOL*. She also wants us to kiss her boo-boos often now... I think it's her way of consoling herself through physical pain as oppose to crying.
Yes, my little lady is learning how to cope through life now. But even if she asserts her independence lately, I am glad that when she has "boo-boos," she still goes to mommy and daddy for comfort. I hope that she's always that secured of our love for her.
9.12.2008
All Grown-up
Watching my daughter interact with other kids is a delight for me. I know that she loves playing with kids her age but I never really saw her interact with bigger kids until today. Earlier this evening, we attended one of our new church's small groups. There were a lot of big kids there so I thought Micah would feel out of place, but I was wrong. The moment we came in, she directed herself where the kids were and just interacted with them with total ease. I was laughing and feeling so proud inside. I mean, I am the mom of that 17-month old who appears to be the life of the party! She fit right in, acting all grown-up and all. All I kept hearing was "Micah here," "Come Micah," "See this Micah," Micah, Micah, Micah! Everybody loved her! She made everyone laugh with her little antics, amazed them all with her vocabulary... let's just say that I was so pumped-up because of the praises everybody was showering her! I wanted to yell, "I am that wiz kid's mommy!" But then, I think she got that from her daddy. I remember not having the same confidence as a kid, always feeling left-out when I am in a crowd of bigger kids.
When we left to go home, in the car, she leaned over and kissed me as if thanking me that I allowed her to be herself... that totally completed my day!
I am really relieved that my child can adjust well regardless of what crowd she's in. I hope she carries this confidence within her always. Still can't get over how assured and secured this child is. She really makes me a very fulfilled mommy. Everyday is an adventure... I wonder what she's going to do next.
When we left to go home, in the car, she leaned over and kissed me as if thanking me that I allowed her to be herself... that totally completed my day!
I am really relieved that my child can adjust well regardless of what crowd she's in. I hope she carries this confidence within her always. Still can't get over how assured and secured this child is. She really makes me a very fulfilled mommy. Everyday is an adventure... I wonder what she's going to do next.
9.11.2008
Getting to know you... whew!
I read an article not too long ago that claims that, for new moms, meeting "mom" friends can be as frustrating and excruciating as dating is for singles. I find that to be so true. I have tried joining different mother's clubs, playdates, etc. Yet, still, I haven't found "real" friends that I can be comfortable sharing my horrifying and joyful motherhood experiences. It's hard to find the right fit. Thank God because despite not having "mom" friends, I have my sister and sister-in-law who are also new moms like me. Eventhough my sister is 5000 miles away, I always look forward to our looooo...ng telephone conversations, laughing most of the time since we can't remember what we used to talk about prior to having kids. And my sister-in-law, I often see over the weekends. She and I weren't initially close, but I think having kids almost the same age changed all that. Now, I can really connect and bond with her. Having both of them really helps. I am still not giving-up on the hopes that I can have "mom" friends that aren't family. I am planning to enroll Micah in swimming classes; hopefully, I can find moms that would be open to having new "mom" friends in their life as I am.
9.06.2008
Postpartum blues
Baby blues, something that I didn't expect to happen to me but it did. It’s an experience that I don’t even want to talk about anymore because, regardless of how long ago it was, its nerve-racking grip on my emotions, especially as a first time mom, was the most difficult and most vulnerable moment of my life. It’s like having that dream where you walk around your high school naked… that kind of feeling but worse since, aside from the nakedness I felt, the utter ignorance of the experience I was facing is just plain terrifying. I know that postpartum blues or, for others, depression, varies from person to person. I know of a friend who had the kind where she felt resentful that she had a baby. Understandable, since one has to give-up so many things behind once given the responsibility of having a child. With me however, it was different… it was because of love. I think too much love that I haven’t experienced before and don’t know how to handle.
It was 2 days after I gave birth. My child was crying inconsolably and I felt so helpless and out of control. I was thinking, “My God! I must be a sucky mother! I can’t even console my own baby!” It was the start of it… the “blues." It felt like a dark cloud descended on me with so many questions with it. I remember, one of my most worrisome moments was when I had to go to the bathroom. Just taking a shower or going either “you know… the numbers,” I often felt panic! Every time my I cannot see Micah, fear strikes me and it strikes me hard. All the “what ifs” just gush within my brain, making it hard to make sense of it all. “What if she falls off the crib?” “What if there’s something that accidentally drops on her?” “What if she stops breathing?” I mean not even a minute apart from my child, I already feel helpless and stupid. I mean, there were nights when I wasn’t even sleeping! I was just watching her to check if she’s breathing right, comfortable…. I even anticipate her feedings to the point that it leaves me sleepless. It was horrible but at that point, I felt that there’s nothing I can do but cry to cope with my weariness.
After a month or two of living this way, I finally overcame the “blues." Now, looking back, I’m guessing that the sheer grip of this overwhelming emotion is the problem. All my life before that moment, I have never felt a deeper sense of responsibility; moreover, a deeper sense of love. Since I didn’t know how to handle it, I resorted to fear that brought upon me so much physical weariness that resulted to distress and hopelessness. Oh, did I mention that we moved a day before I gave birth? Yes, I was moving/carrying boxes the day before, which I am thankful for now because I think that was what induced me to deliver (I was already a week late), but the house was a MESS when we brought Micah home. That alone is already a stress causer. My hospital experience was not at all great either because, even though they mean well and it was a part of their jobs, these nurses just kept coming in to poke or rouse my daughter from sleeping leaving me sleepless as well. They didn’t even tell me that I can ask a nurse to take my baby for a while so I can sleep… From the moment I gave birth, I was already the one taking care of my daughter. My husband was there, but he, too, was preoccupied with everything from the move to his work (he just got promoted a few months before)... I mean, it was a TOUGH experience. Had the circumstances been more predictable, I would have had enough time to spend on the unpredictable, but since it was not the case, I was forced to adjust... and the adjustment, as I know now, was just too much to take for a woman who carried a baby for 41 weeks and was in labor for 12 hours. For sure, that day I proved that I have no super powers! (See !I can find humor in it now...).
Whew, although it was a memory that I don’t want to often visit because of the discomfort it brings me, somehow talking about it makes it easier to tell. I just hope that my story can bring people hope. That is something no one told me… that I can undergo postpartum blues. No one explained to me that it was a normal thing to feel overwhelmed and stupid and fearful and panicky… no one told me that it’s okay for me to have my “crazy” moment! I am no medical expert but after going through what I went through, I wish to offer my support to those women who are undergoing or will undergo the “blues.” I just want them to know that they are not alone and it is a normal process unless they feel that they are endangering themselves and/or their baby.
“This, too, shall pass…”
It was 2 days after I gave birth. My child was crying inconsolably and I felt so helpless and out of control. I was thinking, “My God! I must be a sucky mother! I can’t even console my own baby!” It was the start of it… the “blues." It felt like a dark cloud descended on me with so many questions with it. I remember, one of my most worrisome moments was when I had to go to the bathroom. Just taking a shower or going either “you know… the numbers,” I often felt panic! Every time my I cannot see Micah, fear strikes me and it strikes me hard. All the “what ifs” just gush within my brain, making it hard to make sense of it all. “What if she falls off the crib?” “What if there’s something that accidentally drops on her?” “What if she stops breathing?” I mean not even a minute apart from my child, I already feel helpless and stupid. I mean, there were nights when I wasn’t even sleeping! I was just watching her to check if she’s breathing right, comfortable…. I even anticipate her feedings to the point that it leaves me sleepless. It was horrible but at that point, I felt that there’s nothing I can do but cry to cope with my weariness.
After a month or two of living this way, I finally overcame the “blues." Now, looking back, I’m guessing that the sheer grip of this overwhelming emotion is the problem. All my life before that moment, I have never felt a deeper sense of responsibility; moreover, a deeper sense of love. Since I didn’t know how to handle it, I resorted to fear that brought upon me so much physical weariness that resulted to distress and hopelessness. Oh, did I mention that we moved a day before I gave birth? Yes, I was moving/carrying boxes the day before, which I am thankful for now because I think that was what induced me to deliver (I was already a week late), but the house was a MESS when we brought Micah home. That alone is already a stress causer. My hospital experience was not at all great either because, even though they mean well and it was a part of their jobs, these nurses just kept coming in to poke or rouse my daughter from sleeping leaving me sleepless as well. They didn’t even tell me that I can ask a nurse to take my baby for a while so I can sleep… From the moment I gave birth, I was already the one taking care of my daughter. My husband was there, but he, too, was preoccupied with everything from the move to his work (he just got promoted a few months before)... I mean, it was a TOUGH experience. Had the circumstances been more predictable, I would have had enough time to spend on the unpredictable, but since it was not the case, I was forced to adjust... and the adjustment, as I know now, was just too much to take for a woman who carried a baby for 41 weeks and was in labor for 12 hours. For sure, that day I proved that I have no super powers! (See !I can find humor in it now...).
Whew, although it was a memory that I don’t want to often visit because of the discomfort it brings me, somehow talking about it makes it easier to tell. I just hope that my story can bring people hope. That is something no one told me… that I can undergo postpartum blues. No one explained to me that it was a normal thing to feel overwhelmed and stupid and fearful and panicky… no one told me that it’s okay for me to have my “crazy” moment! I am no medical expert but after going through what I went through, I wish to offer my support to those women who are undergoing or will undergo the “blues.” I just want them to know that they are not alone and it is a normal process unless they feel that they are endangering themselves and/or their baby.
“This, too, shall pass…”
9.03.2008
Micah Renae
People say it all the time, one will never know what love is until they have a child. I have always thought of myself as very maternal. I love kids! I love their innocence, their simplicity, their honesty... everything! I love hanging around them mainly because I learn more from them than the so-called "adults." I love what these children represent in life that all of us, adults, most often fail to hold on to as we "grow-up." So, I didn't get how can people with kids outlove those who don't have kids... well, not until I had Micah.
It was the day of her birth that I found what people say to be true. The love that I felt when I saw her is indescribable. It was the kind of love that was born with my child. The kind that both broke and built me... the kind that has truly changed me.
It was indeed the happiest experience of my life... but out of having this love also brought an intense feeling of powerlessness. Reality hit me that I am responsible in protecting this miracle from the evil in the world... yes, I think I have never been so aware of my distrust of the world until I had a child. I remember the time when we were first left alone, mother and daughter... as I was looking at her, that was the moment when I felt every possible emotion there is. I felt the joy, the fear, the assurance, the confusion, the strength, the vulnerability... every emotion that I have never fully cherished before... it was the moment that I truly felt alive! I named my daughter Micah Renae. Micah, because I want her to believe in the God I believe in, and Renae because she was God's way for me to be reborn.
So, on that fateful, wonderful day of March 31, 2007, 3:02AM, I became a new person. I became a mom.
It was the day of her birth that I found what people say to be true. The love that I felt when I saw her is indescribable. It was the kind of love that was born with my child. The kind that both broke and built me... the kind that has truly changed me.
It was indeed the happiest experience of my life... but out of having this love also brought an intense feeling of powerlessness. Reality hit me that I am responsible in protecting this miracle from the evil in the world... yes, I think I have never been so aware of my distrust of the world until I had a child. I remember the time when we were first left alone, mother and daughter... as I was looking at her, that was the moment when I felt every possible emotion there is. I felt the joy, the fear, the assurance, the confusion, the strength, the vulnerability... every emotion that I have never fully cherished before... it was the moment that I truly felt alive! I named my daughter Micah Renae. Micah, because I want her to believe in the God I believe in, and Renae because she was God's way for me to be reborn.
So, on that fateful, wonderful day of March 31, 2007, 3:02AM, I became a new person. I became a mom.
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