I committed a LOT of mistakes in my life. Some of those mistakes I have happily learned from, but some of them I could just really live without. Yesterday, I found out something that made me so angry with, well, myself because I did something in my past that I thought I already buried away with those, just plain, awful memories that I usually force myself to be amnesiac to. Then out of the blue, my sister tells me something that just brought that person (which I will call nameless) back to reality and I hated it! All I had was anger, which I thought initially was anger towards nameless because he tried to do something malicious that once again involved my family. But after I have spoken to my husband about him, my husband told me something that really dawned so much realization in me. As he was hugging me, he said, and I quote, "You cannot allow your past to predict your future. It's wrong to you allow yourself to feel what others make you feel". With that, I realized that I wasn't angry at nameless nor the classless things he did since he is already that way. I was angry with myself because I allowed nameless to be in my life before, and since there is no "delete" button to just take away that mistake, anger just got the best of me. Oh, and in my anger, I was beastly. I really did try to inflict nameless as much hurt as I can possibly give. But of course, my angelic husband, in his gentleness rebuked at the same time consoled me that "hurting people hurt people". Maybe nameless has some unresolved hurt in him that made him do hurtful things. And I was also hurt because of the disrespect I was shown, so I tried hurting back. It's just a cycle... a never ending cycle.
Right now, I do feel sorry for even responding to nameless and his actions. I will never condone his despiteful actions but I know that I will soon find it in my heart to forgive him. As for my husband, I am just so glad that despite my misgivings and inadequacies, God gave me a partner, a bestfriend, a lover, who will be there for me always.
Note to hubby: Words will never be enough to say thank you for your ability to see the good out of the bad. Also, I LOVE your passion. I love how you plan for our family. Oh, and man! You are so rocking the business! I can't believe how much our group has grown! You are such a fire-ball!!! I LOVE YOU!
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