Earlier in the day, I went to see the Nuclear Medicine physician. He finalized the thyroid test and concluded that I have a "moderate" type of hyperthyroidism. He gave me two options of treatment: 1. A temporary treatment for the next 1-2 years by prescribing me an antithyroid, monitoring the possible side effects it can cause; 2. A permanent treatment through the radioiodine pill that will completely, for lack of better words, kill my thyroid. To be honest, I know that there are a lot of people who have thyroid problems and even hearing some weirdos who would be happy to have hyperthyroidism (so they can lose weight fast), but for the second time in my life, I was so afraid (the first one was when Micah's heart rate was slowing down while I was in labor). For sure I was hearing Dr. Tsang calmly tell me about the methods of treatment, but I hardly listened to anything. I can't believe that the person who has to go through "needing treatment options" is me... and one of the treatments was to kill a part of me. Needless to say, regardless of how routine Dr. Tsang makes it sound, I was shocked in disbelief. When we ended the appointment, I was absolutely quiet and anybody who really knows me would know full well that I am never quiet, especially in the doctor's office. My primary physician and OB can attest to this. But for the first time, fear quieted me.
But after a hug from my husband and a big smile from my baby, I felt much better... and grateful. Grateful because I have a problem that has a definite solution. Grateful because I have more empathy for others who have problems with no possible answers. Grateful because I have been given a new appreciation for life. Grateful because I am assured of my Savior's love for me. I am still scared of the negative possibilities that both options given can affect me, but I am not crippled by fear. In fact, I am motivated by this fear! I am motivated to live everyday without regrets, to love without hesitations, to be bold, strong and courageous as I pass through this obstacle and the other ones I will be facing, and to stay in and win this race of life gracefully given to me by my Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus.
I am grateful!
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