Empty house full of home

I woke-up just to blog about this because I don't want to ever forget what happened tonight...

Ever since we moved back to the Bay Area, I never really had the inkling of fully decorating our apartment. Actually, if I would trace the stem of my lack of interest in the aesthetic appeal of our place, it probably started after I had Micah. I would guess that the main reason is that, decorating demands money, and like every middle-class family in America, such purchases are planned and saved out. But every time I would save up enough money to, say buy a new couch, my being a "mom" would automatically go to overdrive -
"Is it worth to buy this $1500 couch or will my daughter enjoy it more if we go to Disneyland instead?" Needless to say, Disneyland trumps the couch, or for any other thing that will add appeal of our house, because my daughter will have more fun, or more experience in life, or more wonderful memories if we spend it on her. Comes to show why she's barely four, but when we go to Disneyland for her birthday this March, it will mark her 6th time there. Pretty obvious that DL is her favorite place. And every trip in the happiest place on earth fills our memory banks with the happiest memories Malcolm, Micah and I would forever cherish.

However, when my mom visited me a few months back, she made a comment that she would like to help me fix our house. Don't get me wrong, I love when my mom says things like that because I know it always comes from her heart to make things better. But while I know that she really just wants to help me make our apartment "nicer", I felt a little worse inside. I told her, "is it really that badly coordinated? I thought it was pretty okay." My mom said it felt empty... and the walls felt like it's just full of squared frames. Lol! But she was right. Our apartment has no tone... no synchronism. In fact, I can list how many items are in our place and it's a pretty big apartment, so I could understand why it feels empty.

So, ever since then, I've been buying little things to decorate the empty place with squared frames. I bought an office-in-a-box (table, filing cabinet, and small shelf) for me. I bought nice storage compartments for Micah's overwhelming toys (it's WAY more than our furniture), I got a nicer dining set (more aesthetically pleasing), coffee tables, lamps, etc. But still, our house is still so far away from being fully decorated. By the way, did I mention that we've been living here for the past 2+ years? *sigh*

But something happened tonight - an epiphany I'd say. I've been busy trying to make our house nice that I forgot to be thankful for the home Jesus has blessed us to have. The home full of love that birthed to so many WONDERFUL memories. In fact, tonight just reiterated that. Tonight I've never felt so much joy that my child doesn't care if my futton couch is stained, or if my walls are full of squares. All she cared about is how grateful she is for the life we've created for her, and how much she loves us, and how much she loves our empty house because as far as she's concerned, our home is full.

Anyways, so tonight, Micah is having her sleepover with her cousin Elissa. As her toddler bed is still in our room, every time she'll have Elissa over, we 3 have to sleep in our futton couch. Initially, I felt bad because I would love it more if Micah had a trundle bed with a pull out so they can have the finest sleepover ever! But my baby proved me wrong because as it turns out, all she needed was her new sleeping bag (courtesy of my SIL), her favorite plush toy, her cousin Elissa and me! She was already sleeping but she woke-up asking me where would I sleep. I told her beside her. She smiled, clutched my hand and closed her eyes. I whispered that I will make her favorite breakfast tomorrow, pancakes. She smiled and kissed me, then  dozed back to sleep. So that what makes this sleepover perfect, it's because she knows she's loved. More than that, her cousin, who had slept-over 3 times already this month, also knows that in our home, everybody's loved. Wow! Was I wrong about things!? Because our empty house just shouts full home! That makes me happy... very happy.

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