The day she cried

I am known to chronicle everything - even the most mundane things that I find sentimental is jotted down in either my journal or here. Anyways, I'm a crier... I cry ALL THE TIME! When I'm happy, I cry. When I'm sad, I cry. When I'm mad, guess what, I cry! Ha! It's like my tear ducts produce the most emotion among all my body parts.

Anyways, I cried again today. I cried because for the first time, my daughter cried as I left her in school today. She was crying enough for me to feel shaken as her teacher pried her away from me, so we can go along our way. This is big for me because Micah does the usual "just because I want to" cries. But this is the first time she cried because we are going to be separated. I knew something was up because I saw her wide awake around 3 am this morning... just thinking. I asked her what was wrong. She shook her head and went back to sleep. But I did watch her a good 5 minutes before I asked. Meaning to say, she could've been awake for a few good minutes before that. Could she be experiencing apprehension and was just too "brave" not to let me know. I would like to think so. Otherwise, she might be thinking her cryer of a mom couldn't handle it if she were to tell me how she feels and that's why she needed to be brave... for both our sakes. Ugh! I would hate it if that were the case. I should be the consoler - the pacifier of my child's troubled emotions. She shouldn't be shouldering her pain just because she fears that I can't handle it. Could it be? I hope not...

Anyways, I didn't show her I cried when she finally went in the classroom. I stayed for a few more minutes just to see how she's handling the situation. She cried a bit more as her teacher consoled her... but before I even left, she's already done crying and found some toy that could distract her from missing me that much. Gosh, I have a great deal to learn from my child. I just wish my tear ducts could be more controllable. But I guess, for the sake of my child's childhood - so she can be the one with fears and excitement about all that is to come, I will be brave! I will try my hardest to be brave. Then, maybe she can trust me enough to let me know why she really is awake at 3am.

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